Do You Ask for Help?

While I may be good at some things, I have no problems admitting that I’m not good at everything. Yes, I can accomplish much, but not all. I need others to help me achieve many of my goals.

I wouldn’t think of building a house without first planning ahead. I would first take an inventory of my supplies and my areas of expertise. Then I would go out and get the resources and people I might need to make this construction happen–like my friend Andy, a top-notch contractor in town.

I view achieving my goals with the same pragmatic approach. I make a plan. When I notice an area where I find I am lacking, I seek out someone who is more knowledgeable to help me. Often, they’re mentors of mine.

When people ask me for help in my own areas of expertise, I enjoy helping them; it gives me a feeling of happiness to contribute something of value to the world. For this reason, I do not hesitate to ask others for help and I know that they, too, will be eager to share their skills and knowledge.

I let go of fears that people will perceive me as incapable or lazy when I ask for help. I know that the way I use the tools I am gathering proves my maturity and my hard-working spirit.

Self-Reflection Questions:

1. What reasons do you give yourself for not asking for the help you need?

2. In what area of your life do you need to ask for help in order to move closer to your goals?

3. Who can you approach to get the help that you need?

Tips to Overcome Anxiety

Have you been wondering how to overcome anxiety? Anxious thoughts, fears, and worries invade the lives of many people on a daily basis. Chances are they’ve invaded your life as well.

Anxiety is often the result of fears that you may have about uncertain situations, places, and even people in your life.
Most of the time, these fears are based on things that haven’t happened yet. Maybe you worry if you’ll do well in a job interview or whether a new friend will like you.

If you’ve had it with the stress and anxiety in your life, you can achieve peace, eliminate anxious thoughts and fears, and successfully overcome anxiety.

Here are some tips:

1. Trust that you’ve got the faith, courage, strength, skill, and support to overcome anything. This is especially true and important when it comes to overcoming anxiety that’s based on unrealistic fears and worries that plague your mind.

A support group of family members or friends can be vital in eliminating anxiety. Talk out your fears with someone who will listen kindly without judging you.

2. Be true to who you are as a person. Don’t condemn yourself for how you feel. And work towards changing how you deal with these emotions.

Finding a way to release your emotions is an important element to overcoming anxiety. You can write down your fears and worries in a journal, or even find a support group you can actively participate in.

3. Remember that there are some things in life that are beyond your control. Many times, the worries you experience are a direct result of the fact that you’re not in control of the people, things, and situations in your life.

The things that are in your control can be managed. Just slow down, take one thing at a time, and focus. This will help to ease some of the discomfort you experience from your anxiety.

4. Rely on your faith. Understanding that you can’t control everything and releasing your worries to God (or your higher power) can be calming and give you a sense of freedom and relief.

5. Pursue activities that bring you peace. Whether this is a solitary activity or a group activity, it should be something enjoyable that will remove your anxiety and renew your love of life.

Peace-bringing activities may include a hobby like painting, writing for pleasure, crafts, cooking, etc. Exercising also helps tremendously.

These are all effective ways to overcome and alleviate anxiety. While many people resort to medications and doctor treatments when they’re seeking ways to overcome anxiety, you can work toward relieving your own anxiety without medication by simply engaging yourself in activities that bring you peace, comfort, and relief.

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Portions of this article courtesy of Coaches Plus

The Power of a Sound Mind

A Russian heavyweight weight lifter, Leonid Taranenko, held the world record for free-lifting 499 ½ lbs. He had tried on several occasions to break his own record by lifting 500 lbs. Each attempt had failed until his coach intervened for him. During the world championships, he again had lifted more weight than everyone else in his class and was in first place. Knowing he had nothing to lose on his last lift, he told his coach to put the 499 ½ lbs on the bar confident that he could lift it. Instead, his coach discreetly placed 500 ½ lbs on the bar. Taranenko successfully lifted the weight above his head and created a new world record.

This story so eloquently illustrates how our thoughts about ourselves become beliefs and our beliefs become our mindset and our mindset becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Sometimes these thoughts become so ingrained that we need help to move forward.

Follow the simple technique below to create a deeper awareness of the thoughts that might be keeping you stuck and frustrated.

Step 1: Grab a pen and paper and find a quiet place.

Step 2: Close your eyes and clear your mind of everything except the frustration.

Step 3: Write down the statements you’ve been telling yourself. Perhaps you’ve been saying, “I’ll never make it.” Or maybe you’ve been saying, “The situation will never change.” The key is to write all these statements down as they flood your mind.

Step 4: Label and rate from 1 to 10 each of your feelings and emotions.

Step 5: Next, think back to what kicks off each of these thoughts. Name the events, people, key words, or conversation that tips the first domino.

Step 6: Then ask yourself, “What am I really afraid of.” Are you afraid of failure, losing someone you love, or damaging your reputation?

Step 7: Be a super-sleuth and really investigate why these thoughts dominate your thinking.

Limiting beliefs are usually based in fear and when fear grips the mind, we fail to live life to its uttermost. Creating a deep awareness of limiting beliefs is the first step in being able to overcome these beliefs. For personal coaching on your specific situation, call my office at (423) 238-2045 or email me at coaching@marcelschwantes.com

Possibilities Are Limitless

This is part 4 of the series “Ingredients of a Successful Life Coaching Relationship.”

For Part 1, click here.

For Part 2, click here.

For Part 3, click here.

Yes, the possibilities for a life coaching relationship are truly endless. Clients direct the life coaching agenda and can bring up anything they wish during a life coaching session. There is room for their dreams and wants in all aspects of their life—from the immediate present to the far-distant future. This space is so huge that at first some clients can’t comprehend the powerful possibilities awaiting them. Life coaches are available to assist clients in figuring out multiple pathways to achieve what they really want.

What does that look like? Clients’ wants may include cleaning their clutter, doubling their income, resolving a conflict with an employee, enhancing intimacy with their spouse, creating a positive relationship with their teenager, leaving a legacy, or planning for retirement in three years. Rarely do great coaches hear of a client honestly wanting something that isn’t in his or her best interest. If this were to occur, we’d simply discuss the situation openly with the client. In fact, the opposite will more likely occur. Clients usually create such big dreams and huge wants that the coach can become breathless keeping up with them. This has happened to me more than once! There is room for giant wants and bodacious dreams in the life coaching relationship.  Here’s to your dreaming….

Peoplemap™ Professional Development Report is Here!

I’m happy to report that I’ve added a great tool to enhance and add value to the individual coaching relationship.

If you’re a current client or considering a coach-client relationship, ask yourself these questions:

1. Would you like to know what your natural strengths are in life?
2. Would you like to have a personal “map” for getting along with others?
3. Would you like to have a clear understanding of the things that could block your success and a clear roadmap that can help you be successful?

If you are answering yes to these questions, the Peoplemap™ Professional Development Report is your solution. This profile is based on your answers to the seven questions on the Peoplemap™ Questionnaire, which is available online!  Click here to learn more (and the cost).

Speaking the Truth Is a Must

This is part 3 of the series “Ingredients of a Successful Life Coaching Relationship.” For Part 1, click here. For Part 2, click here.

Truth Is Always Told in a Coaching Relationship

In life coaching relationships, the truth is always told. From the first intake session, the life coach and client agree to be completely honest with one another.

Effective life coaches want to hear the truth from clients because they know that is when real learning occurs. Clients want to share celebrations and mistakes in a nonjudgmental, safe, and trustworthy place. Clients count on life coaches to tell them the truth and help them sort through the craziness of life’s concerns. Authentic coaching demands that the coach be real and not hold back or just accept what the client is saying.

Compassionate Edge

In coaching training, I was taught “compassionate edge.” This is a coaching skill that allows the coach to be truthful but not mean or uncaring. This means we’re tactful and gently direct; we do not cushion our words so much that their meaning is lost. Instead, we act as a mirror for the client to see how he is acting and what he is doing. For example, I may tell a client something like:

“I’ve noticed that for the last three weeks you’ve told me you are going to get a replacement for your administrative assistant. Yet every week you come to our call complaining about being overloaded and overwhelmed at work. When are you going to do something about the replacement? Do you want to develop a plan for that today, or is it no longer a priority for you?”

Clients are often aware of how they conceal their truth from others, and they aren’t paying their life coach to be treated in the same fashion. Gentle, loving confrontation is part of the effective life coach’s took kit. This does not imply that life coaches tell clients what they should or shouldn’t do; instead, they remind them of what they say the wanted! This is a relationship without judgment.

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Marcel Schwantes is a professional certified life coach and certified PeopleMap corporate trainer. Learn more about his specialties.

The Coaching Environment – Is It Safe?

This is part 2 of the series “Ingredients of a Successful Life Coaching Relationship.” If you missed Part 1, click here.

The Coaching Environment Is a Safe Place in which the Client Can Grow

If my clients are going to take huge risks in order to make significant changes in their lives they need to trust that they have a safe place from which to leave and return. A life coaching relationship is that safe place. One factor critical to a sense of safety is trust.

Good coaches show their clients they are trustworthy by showing up on time for calls/sessions and following through with their promises. We also empower clients with trust by holding them responsible for following through on what they say they want, without judging. My clients learn that I’m on their side, want for them only what they want, and trust them to get it. Trusting my clients’ wants provides them with a safe, encouraging environment from which to go forth and take on the huge life changes they want to make.

As your coach, I lay everything out on the table. You come to the sessions with no surprises. If you’re interested in a free introductory session, but aren’t sure if coaching is for you, click here to read my “Frequently Asked Questions” about life coaching.

Next Up: Truth Is Always Told

Whole Life Coaching?

For the next several postings, I will talk about what makes a successful life coaching relationship. From the way I have been taught and trained, the following components are significant contributors:

1. The focus is the person’s whole life.

2. The coaching environment is a safe place in which the client can grow.

3. The truth is always told.

4. The possibilities are limitless.

5. There is a reserved space, just for the client.

6. The relationship is soulful.

The focus is the person’s whole life.  I love hearing that! Let me expand on this type of coaching for this entry. Come back in the next few days, or subscribe to the feeds (or newsletter) to follow the other five components on the list.

Okay, the assumption is that clients don’t live their lives in boxes of work, health, relationships, and so on, even though they might say they do. Whatever is going on in one aspect of of clients’ lives impacts other areas of their lives. Does this ring true for you? C’mon now, I can see you nodding your head.

Frankly, I would be doing my clients a disservice when I help them excel in one aspect of their lives while ignoring the rest. From my training and experience, focusing on the whole-life is critical. This is why some of us call our work “life coaching” rather than business coaching, relationship coaching, transition coaching or some other title.

Usually, a good coach will always use some type of whole life assessment in their early sessions with a client. These whole-life assessments permits the coach to see how the client evaluates his or her level of satisfaction in significant areas of a balanced life, including career, health, finances, relationship, spirituality, personal growth (including intellectual and emotional), leisure, family, and continuing education. (see the Wheel of Life assessment, a free tool I offer, on the sidebar)

Clients simply benefit from acknowledging that they DO have a whole life. I often see clients who are stuck on one part of life, such as work, but blind to the other aspects of their lives and how they interrelate. When coaches help them see things from a whole-life perspective, clients are often amazed to discover how some pieces have been neglected or pushed aside.

You’ll note that the first coaching specialty I list in my core coaching area on my website is, you guessed it, Whole Life Coaching. Here it is.

Energy Drainers and Energy Gainers, Pt. 2

To read this blog entry in context, refer to Part 1.

Now that you’ve identified energy drainers both at work and at home from the first part of this exercise, it is important to choose consciously to have energy gainers in your life. These may fall in the realm of positive daily or weekly habits, such as exercise, prayer/meditation, or time with friends, family, and your spouse. Energy gainers are those things or activities that give you a charge of joy, fun, and passion, or peace and comfort. We often have these in our life, but they get pushed aside by the energy drainers! As you take care of your energy drainers, you now have time to choose energy gainers purposefully.

Make a list of those things that impact your life in a positive way. They can be things you do (or want to do more of), people you like to be around, or favorite aspects of your physical environment (artwork, music, an organized living or work space).

One of my clients gets energy in his work environment from having an iPOD stereo in his office, where he listens to a playlist of soothing smooth jazz. Perhaps you get energy from a morning job before the world wakes up, or from keeping a daily prayer journal in a special place in the house, with lit candles. Make a list of some energy gainers you’d like to bring into your own life.

ENERGY GAINERS AT WORK	ENERGY GAINERS AT HOME
1.	1.
2.	2.
3.	3.
4.	4.
5.	5.

Feel free to share in the comments what you discover!

Energy Drainers and Energy Gainers, Pt. 1

For those who actually completed the Life Balance Wheel assessment from the past post, congratulations! The next step is to look at what gets in your way of having a great life. Coaches call this process “de-cluttering” because it invariably involves the actual tossing out and cleaning up of clutter–all the stuff we save for years because we think we might need it someday–the stuff that clutters our closets, our garages, our offices, and our lives. It’s true, getting rid of clutter actually helps you gain energy in your life.

Energy Drainers and Energy Gainers

Energy drainers are those things (activities, habits, relationships, or clutter) that cost you energy. These are the items on your to-do list, procrastinations, piles of files, unfinished projects or anything else that you have not finished doing or dealing with. As each item is handled, you reclaim the energy that was attached to it. Then you have more energy to focus on what really matters. You can have more choice in your life.

Other places to look for energy drainers are in relationships (personal or professional) that have “unfinished business.” You might need to a “crucial conversation” to clean it up. You will regain energy when you do.

In coaching, we offer this advice: Do it, dump it, or delegate it. Look at the tasks at hand and the things you are putting up with, follow that wisdom, and complete anything that needs your attention.

ENERGY DRAINERS AT WORK	ENERGY DRAINERS AT HOME
1.	1.
2.	2.
3.	3.
4.	4.
5.	5.

Now, after you breathe a sigh of relief from identifying your list above, it’s important to go the extra step and choose consciously to have energy gainers in your life. That’s the good stuff. We will discuss that in our next blog entry.