WE’VE MOVED!

Please take note of the move to the new and improved blog hosted by Blogger. All the same great content with your usual life coaching and self-improvement blogs, free assessments, endless coaching tips, news and resources are over at the new place. Come on over, pull up a chair and don’t forget to change all your subscription feeds! GO THERE NOW >>>

What Life Coaching Isn’t

Recently I had an exchange with a prominent pastor about her misconception of what a life coach is or does, hence the reason I’m writing this blog post.

As a faith-based life coach, my #1 aim is to help the other person accomplish what God wants him/her to do/be. I have the privilege of coming alongside others in support of their journey, and seeing God do amazing things as they seek to grown and reach their potential. That’s why in the bio page of my website, I clearly identify myself as a Christian so potential clients know my personal foundational principles of coaching.

If you’re a Christian researching life coaching, please do so within a Biblical framework (refer to Barnabas as a great example of a “life coach” in Acts). A simple Google search on “Christian life coaching” will land you in the right places.

There are other misconceptions too that I have mentioned in past blog entries. Placing myself over others is exactly what coaching is not: it’s not about telling others what to do. Giving advice  is something good coaches try to avoid. Instead, we help people make discoveries for themselves. Like a good friend who takes time to listen to you and help you sort things out until you arrive at your own conclusions, so will a good coach.

Let me ask you, how many of you know an area of your life where God wants you to grow? Take a minute to reflect on it. Now let me ask you, what do you need to make that become a reality?

I’m going to guess that you probably didn’t answer “I need advice.” Am I right? Whenever I ask that question in seminars, I typically get answers like support, encouragement,  and companionship. Coaching is not about giving advice–people already know what they need to work on. It’s about support. They want to know they don’t have to navigate the difficulties of life on their own.

Another misconception: Coaching isn’t about being an expert. Is there knowledge and wisdom involved? Absolutely. And sometimes I may have to mentor more than coach when a client is really stuck. But the most crucial knowledge focuses on areas like listening skills and asking good questions. Coaches don’t need to have all the right answers so they can tell people what to do. It’s not about listening to a guru give you the answers to all of life’s problems–it’s about helping you learn to listen to the true Guru–God– for yourselves.

The Lost Art of Human Contact

Up until 1990 the traditional phone was the equivalent of e-mail, and employees were always being told to hang up and have meetings. Now if you get a voice contact, it’s cause for celebration. In the age of smart phones, human contact is a lost art. But it’s still king because it engages all aspects of our ability to access information and make informed decisions.

Yes, technology has expanded our network of relationships. People brag about how many friends they have on Facebook or the size of their network on LinkedIn. Yes, technology has expanded our capacity to communicate in writing. Twitter has made communication almost ubiquitous and omnipresent. Yes, technology allows our thoughts to be transmitted instantaneously at the speed of our wireless networks. It’s easy. It’s seemingly efficient.

Problem: With less physical data to interpret because of the heavy use of digital communication, more and more communication problems are arising between people.

Psychology Today did a great piece about a social psychologist and Northwestern University law professor named Janice Nadler, who paired Northwestern law students with those from Duke University and asked each pair to agree on the purchase of a car:

Researchers instructed each team to bargain entirely through e-mail, but half the subjects were secretly told to precede the negotiation with a brief getting-to-know-you chat on the phone. The results were dramatic: Negotiators who first chatted by phone were more than four times likelier to reach an agreement than those who used only e-mail. In the study, which appeared in the Harvard Negotiation Law Review, subjects who never spoke were not only more likely to hit an impasse, but they often felt resentful and angry about the negotiation.

That reminds me of the famous New Yorker cartoon that shows a dog sitting on a chair in front of a computer. He turns to his doggie friend sitting on the floor and says: “On the internet, no one knows you’re a dog.”

Lets have a reality check: face-to-face relationship-building deflects the possibility for miscommunications and misunderstandings. Period. But electronically, you can’t hear people’s voices, which clues you in to a lot of things. You don’t know how they are receiving your words or even when they are getting your message in physical-time reality. You can’t assess their body language or observe their responses. In business especially, the sense of professional “intimacy” we depend on is, at best, only utilizing 10 percent of our communication cues, tools and competencies. The more we rely on e-mail, Facebook, Twitter and texting as our primary ways of communicating, the less likely we are to be known by those with whom we are interdependent for our success.

Okay, I use Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, and am connected to my iPhone throughout the day to text and check e-mail. I communicate through blogging and other social media. But there comes a time when I have to realize that my relationships are suffering;  a reminder for me to stop tweeting and texting and pick up the phone! And if you live locally, do yourself a favor, give someone you haven’t talked to in a while a quick text message and invite him to dinner.

Source: Debbie Robins in The Huffington Post

Round-Robin Brainstorming: Allowing Everyone to Contribute

Note: This is the Editors’ Choice article from the MindTools November 30, 2010 newsletter.

Imagine that you’ve gathered your team together for a much-needed brainstorming session, focusing on the most effective way to market your organization’s next product release.

Bill, the most talkative and forceful member of your team, immediately asserts that TV and online media are the best platforms to use. Others follow on to contribute ideas that go along with Bill’s. Ten minutes later, the group is immersed in TV and online ideas. No one else submitted any other options, once Bill had set the direction.

It’s all too easy to start a brainstorming session with good intentions, but then to overlook or miss potentially great ideas, simply because one assertive person sets the tone for the entire meeting.

This is why a tool like Round-Robin Brainstorming is so useful. This method allows team members to generate ideas without being influenced by any one person. You can then take these ideas into the next stages of the problem-solving process.

In this article, we’ll examine Round-Robin Brainstorming in detail, and we’ll look at different variations, so that you can pick the right one for the circumstances.

How to Use Round-Robin Brainstorming

Round-Robin Brainstorming is very straightforward:

• Step 1 – Gather your team together around a table. Give each person some index cards, so that people can record their ideas on individual pieces of card.
• Step 2 – Acting as facilitator, explain the problem that you want to solve. Be specific about the objectives of the brainstorming session. Answer questions, but discourage discussion. The goal in this step is to allow individual people to think creatively without any influence from others.
• Step 3 – Have each team member, in silence, think of one idea and write it down on an index card.
• Step 4 – Once everyone has written down an idea, have each person pass their idea to the person next to them. Everyone should now be holding a new card with their neighbor’s idea written down on it.
• Step 5 – Have each person use their neighbor’s idea as inspiration to create another idea, which they then write on a fresh index card. Then ask each person to hand in their neighbor’s card, and pass their new idea to the person next to them to repeat step 4.
• Step 6 – Continue this circular idea swap for as long as is necessary to gather a good amount of ideas. When the time is up, gather up all the ideas. You can now collate them, eliminate any duplicates, and discuss them further as required.

Advantages and Disadvantages

Round-Robin Brainstorming is very similar to the Crawford Slip Method (member-only link). The biggest difference – and advantage – is that your group uses other people’s ideas to generate even more ideas, without being influenced by assertive or vocal members of the team. Another advantage of this approach is that it also ensures that everyone in your group gets an equal chance to present their ideas. If your team has shy or low-confidence members, this method can help them feel more comfortable.

A disadvantage of Round-Robin Brainstorming is that it isn’t anonymous. When team members pass ideas around the room, they might hold back simply because they know that the person next to them will see what they have written. Another disadvantage is that each person gets inspiration for their new idea from the ideas of only one other person, rather than from the entire group.

Tip: You can make Round-Robin Brainstorming anonymous by gathering the ideas at each stage, shuffling them, and then passing them out again; rather than having group members pass their ideas to the person next to them.

Variations

Instead of writing ideas down, you can also use Round-Robin Brainstorming verbally. Seat your team members at a table, and discuss the current problem. Then, go around the table and allow each member to state one idea. Write each idea down for further discussion.

This is often faster than the written variation. However, some team members may be hesitant to present ideas in front of the group. Avoid this by letting everyone know that no idea is unworthy of discussion.

You can also use Round-Robin Brainstorming with larger groups. Divide everyone into smaller groups, and have each group develop one great idea and write it on an index card. Then, rotate cards between groups, just as you would with the individual variation. You then have each group brainstorm a new idea based on the previous group’s card.

Key Points

Round-Robin Brainstorming is a useful tool for having your team generate ideas, without being influenced unduly by others in the group. This method also ensures that everyone on your team has an equal say in the ideas that you generate.

You can use either the written and verbal variations of this technique. You can also use Round-Robin Brainstorming in a large group, by splitting the group into smaller groups

Practicing Excellence

It’s not everyday that Christians, especially those in business or positions of leadership, talk about excellence. Nor is it typical for pastors to preach “excellence” from the pulpit. Perhaps they should because the Bible has much to say on this topic:  “Whatever you do,” says the Apostle Paul, “do it all for the glory of God” (see 1 Cor 10:31, Col 3:23-25, Matthew 25:14-30).

While more celebrated virtues like love, honesty, forgiveness and service may trump excellence, excellence is far reaching. We as Christians are told to seek excellence in all things, and to do our very best.

It’s a trap to think of excellence as merely a motivational means to an end—a path to get you to win at something, to compete so you can “get the prize.” When we do, we risk complacency and stagnation once we’ve allegedly reached a point we consider “good enough.” And that may open the door to pride when we think of ourselves as “excellent.”

Rather, it’s wiser to think of excellence as a direction, a striving toward continuous improvement, reaching the next level of quality instead of merely reaching the top of the mountain or corporate ladder. In this sense, the focus is about pleasing God and stewarding the gifts and talents He’s entrusted to us. The process is continuously about Him, not about us; our efforts toward excellence can naturally continue as an ongoing, faithful journey to becoming rather than being. It’s a direction more than a destination. It’s a way of life and one that we Christians need to reclaim as our way of life.

Five Ways To Practice Gratitude Every Day

On this Thanksgiving day, gratitude should certainly be the main course of the day, along with turkey and football. Studies show grateful people are happier, healthier and better able to withstand hardship. But if you limit your gratitude to a once-a-year holiday, well, you miss out. Here are five ways you can express gratitude during all of 2011.

1. Make it a habit

Some people make daily lists of the good things, people and experiences in their lives or count their blessings in gratitude journals. But if writing isn’t your thing, try putting a sticky note on your steering wheel or dashboard asking: “What am I grateful for today?” Answer the question during your daily commute.

2. Share

If you have something wonderful — whether it’s the world’s best stuffing recipe or the ability to sing beautifully — share it with other people and you’ll appreciate it even more.

3. Say the words

Say “thank you” often, and be specific. Tell your husband that you know he picks up his socks just because it matters to you, and that you appreciate his thoughfulness. Tell your waitress that her quick, friendly service made your day brighter. And change your words: “Instead of saying ‘I have to do this,’ try saying ‘I get to do this.’

4. Think about bad things, too

Being grateful doesn’t mean pretending that bad things never happen to you or others. In fact, acknowledging that you’ve made it through tough times or are surviving hardships now can help you appreciate your strengths and the support of others. But a constant focus on “burdens, curses, deprivations and complaints” is a gratitude killer.

5. Keep gratitude on the table

At Thanksgiving dinner, many families will join hands and take turns saying what they are thankful for. Some people will talk about pumpkin pie and football victories; others will talk about the love of families, friends or God. Imagine what might come up if you shared your thankfulness at dinner every day — and turned a holiday tradition into a way of life.

Source: USA Today

The Pickle Jar Theory of Time Management

There are so many time management programs, techniques and principles out there, it’s hard to keep up. Enter the Pickle Jar Theory.

How it works….

To plan your day, imagine a large empty pickle jar.

1) Take three or four large rocks and add them to the jar.

2) Now take a small handful of pebbles and toss them in, jiggling it a bit to make them fit.

3) Next, add a handful of sand.

4) Now fill the remaining space in the jar with water.

There’s a lot of stuff in your jar. But it’s not just the objects, it’s the order and volume of each item. If you were to put the water and sand in first, and then your pebbles, very few of the large rocks would fit. Or if you tried to just put in 10 large rocks. they’d break the jar.

Such is the case with planning your day. Identify three or four high priority items that must get done (the rocks), plus a number of smaller, lower priority tasks such as e-mails, follow-ups, etc. (the pebbles), as well as everyday routine stuff (the sand). And remember that your jar should contain room for family and personal time (the water).

Why The Pickle Jar Metaphor Works

Your day should be designed around the way your pickle jar was filled. The Pickle Jar Theory helps you to take control of your day by learning to make commitments to yourself–commitments you keep. In our busy lives, there are always people (and it tends to be the same people over and over) who will urgently need to put a couple of new rocks in your jar. “Dropping everything” throughout the course of the day to handle unexpected tasks can quickly mess up your overall productivity.

To make matters worse, demands on the lives of busy professionals continue to grow, and experts are putting much of the blame on recent technological trends such as smartphones and social networks. Those who study such matters say much of this is the result of more time spent on your BlackBerrys, iPhones, and online social networks like Facebook and Twitter.

A big downfall of time management is that by putting so many priority items and other energy drainers on your list each day, even if you cloned yourself, you couldn’t do it all. This leads to frustration, worry and a constant feeling that you can’t get everything done. In all likelihood, you had way too much in your pickle jar–so much in fact, that you set yourself up for failure.

Here’s how one manager describes changing the philosophy of his workday:

In the past, I had my daily calendar blocked out, literally hour by hour, for specific tasks. While I got a lot accomplished, the reality was that I could never stay true to my bloated calendar.

The problem was that I never accounted for the unexpected–or even the expected, like employee discussions, e-mails and voice-mails–so I’d go home disappointed at the end of each day. With the pickle jar, my schedule looks more even keeled, and I actually get more done than when it was loaded up minute by minute.

Here’s how one executive explains how he now plans his day.

I always book my “rock” projects first, then allow time for the sand, pebbles and water–which will kill you if you don’t set aside time for them. At some point, you have to face the reality that you just can’t do more than three or four rocks a day, plus everything else.

The Pickle Jar has other benefits as well. When you complete your main priorities and head home, “Your head’s at home”–not back at work thinking about all the things you should have done that day. You finish the day with a satisfaction of emptying your pickle jar, as well as a sense of freedom to truly enjoy life.

Will the Real Life Coaching Profession Please Stand Up, Part 2

As you research life coaching, when you get down to the real core of it, the objective of any coaching relationship is really all the same — coaching is all about change! Here are some other examples for clarification.

How does Life Coaching differ from other professional relationships:

Unlike teaching, we’ll collaborate and learn from each other
Unlike counseling, you’ll look ahead towards the possibilities for you
Unlike mentoring, your experience is the foundation for progress
Unlike consulting, you’ll establish your own desired actions

Who can benefit from Coaching?

All kinds of people will benefit:         Who are in a multitude of situations:

* Business Owners                                 * Organizational skill development
* Spouses/Partners                               * Life planning
* Managers                                           * Productivity/Morale improvement
* New Graduates                                  * Workplace integration
* Salespersons                                      * Interpersonal skill development
* Employees in transition/Students      * Career-pathing
* Professionals                                     * Work/Life balance
* Entrepreneurs                                    * Business launch
* Executives                                         * Career development
* Employees                                         * Workplace enrichment
* Anyone……                                         * Wanting to progress in their lives…..

Read Part 1

Will the Real Life Coaching Profession Please Stand Up?

Ok, gang, I occasionally post blogs about the benefits of Life Coaching for the sole purpose of educating readers, and potential clients looking to define what Life Coaching is and what it’s not. Yes, the profession is still young and evolving, and many coaches have different niches, causing some confusion. So, to answer the question in the title of this blog, allow me to clarify. Here are the basics for starters:

• Check out my own FAQ list on my website as a good start for anyone stumbling upon life coaching for the first time. I have quick answers to your questions there.
• Wikipedia has its own extensive page on coaching, with several sub-categories in the profession. This is not on-the-go, and will take more time to digest.
• Coaching Evolution (and Revolution) – this is a great article from Patrick Williams, PhD, the founder of the Institute of Life Coach Training,  where yours truly got his professional training and certification. He chronicles the history, development and distinctions of Life Coaching. Very good information.
• About.com has a short page written by Wayne Parker, the “Fatherhood” expert. He does a splendid job defining Life Coaching and its benefits.
• CNN.com has a nifty short article from 2007 called “Getting ‘unstuck’: Does your life need a coach?” Check it out.

Life Coaching, by my Christian coaching standards, is based upon the foundation of developing a greater understanding of yourself as an individual according to God’s plan. For you to change something you don’t like about yourself, you must first understand you and how that wonderful mind of yours that God gave you works.

In Life Coaching, the rewards for both coaches and clients come from “getting it” — understanding the reasons behind why things continue to happen the way they do, and then shifting to get the results you want.  It’s a “renewal of the mind.” It’s pretty powerful.

Here’s the cool part: when you begin to understand that your results are directly related to your thinking you can then make the changes necessary to improve! Since most of us often operate from paradigms or habits known as our “comfort zone,” Life Coaching involves stepping out of that comfort zone with God by your side, understanding the fear associated with change, and working through it to develop and use more of your potential. I would be lying if I said there’s no personal pain associated with this. Stepping into this new realm can be scary. For some of you, you will be stretched…but always for the better.

Remember, old limiting habits and fear tend to keep us stuck in our comfort zone, not allowing us to pursue what God has intended for us. This has a lot to do with attitude. Through my form of Life Coaching, you will gain an understanding of what makes up your current attitude and how to change it to get more positive results in your life. Listen, it won’t happen overnight. The process of change and growth takes some time. We resist, we fall back to old habits, it will take work! The good news is that Life Coaching never imposes a time limit on you. You are free to grow and change at your own pace, as God nudges you along according to His perfect timing.

And as always, I cannot emphasize this enough: Life Coaching is NOT Counseling. So don’t expect a therapy session when you meet with me by phone or in person. The process is different. If you want to explore Life Coaching with me, here are some helpful links:

Click here for packages/rates , including sliding scales for those in financial hardship.

Click here for Marcel’s personal and professional biography as a Christian Life Coach.

Click here for descriptions of each coaching specialty Marcel offers.

How A Good Character Can Avoid a Bad Situation

Lets talk about character for this round.  Just as a great immune system wards off germs and illness, integrated characters have a great immune system against getting into bad situations. They sense them early on, and if something smells wrong, or not good enough, they just say no. They do not agree to things that do not fit their values, their purposes, or that have too many negatives or the types of red flags that may make life miserable later on.

To say no means that we have to be strong enough to disappoint some people, and also to give up some things that we might want because they have too many negatives that go along with them. In business you often see managers hiring people just because they’re in a hurry to fill the position, and they know that the candidate isn’t really the right fit.  But, to go through the hassle of interviewing more people is too much and they want to get it over with. They ignore their gut, and end up with someone they ultimately wish they didn’t–who might turn over months later and cost the company tons of money.

People do the same thing when they get engaged, make commitments, buy a house or do deals. They just don’t listen to that little voice that says, “Don’t do it.” Here is a list of things that the voice might tell us if we are in integrity with ourselves enough to listen:

• This doesn’t feel quite right.
• I really don’t feel comfortable doing this or agreeing to this.
• This is not what I really want.
• I don’t like what I am agreeing to, or part of me doesn’t.
• This violates an important value or belief.
• I am going to resent this later.
• I am going to resent this for a long time.
• I resent this now.
• I wish this were not happening.
• This feels the same as the last time.

Being in integrity with ourselves means that our character will not allow one part of us to do something that another part of us is not cool with. It has the courage to say no when something isn’t right.